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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Cintaku, gilaku, jiwangku....

Dalam kesuraman ultra lembayung tika tujuh bulan menumpahkan cahaya dibawah kaki langit khirmizi, tiba-tiba aku terkenangkan eurika nostalgia cinta lama yang kita palitkan berdua. Kehadiranmu bersama molekul-molekul hidrogen menerjang segala kekusutan yang membelit tali perutku. Dan kehadiranmu itu mengajar aku erti rindu gelora dan shahdu. Kau juga mengajarku erti cinta, singa laut, beruang kutub, penguin, kambing salji, mee rebus, cendol, koridor, kotak pensil, tali kasut dan pasu bunga. Tatkala itu, kita bagaikan Nobita dan Sizuka. Kau dan aku umpama Kurt Cobain dan Siti Nurhaliza yang tidak dapat dipisahkan. Malangnya percintaan yang mendapat liputan meluas hingga ke planet Ziku itu telah mengundang perpisahan yang akhirnya telah mengecewakan seluruh penternak lipan di Burma. Kau pergi jua ketika Kuala Lumpur sedang bersiap sedia menjadi tuan rumah Sukan Komanwel 1998.

Sesungguhnya perpisahan itu berpunca daripada penebangan pokok getah secara besar-besaran di Lembah Klang. Pemergianmu menyebabkan aku menghidap penyakit resdung dan hepatitis-Q secara mengejut. Ketiadaanmu memaksa aku memakai topi keledar setiap masa sebagai langkah keselamatan. Aku seperti tidak percaya dengan apa yang telah terjadi. Aku bagaikan tergelincir dari orbit bumi dan terpelanting ke ruang angkasa, apabila daya tarikan gravitimu terhadapku tiada lagi berfungsi setelahaku tersungkur dalam percintaan yang berlarutan hingga ke rubber-estet di Chaah. Seluruh perjalanan hidupku menjadi gelita bagaikan terperangkap di dalam gua yang gelap dan ditemani stlagit dan stlagmit yang bagai sembilu. Kondominium cinta yang kita bina dari makgat basikal dan kipas helikopter akhirnya musnah setelah kau berpaling tadah. Ternyata sikapmu mulai berubah bila Malaysia mula melancarkan satelit MEASAT-1 ke ruang angkasa raya. Sejak itu kau sering melarikan diri bila terserempak dengan abang iparku. Akhirnya aku menyedari bahawa diriku ini tidak diperlukan lagi.

Sejak kau tiada, aku sering menyendiri berbual-bual dengan pokok betik untuk mengisi masa lapang. Kadang-kadang aku mengikat botol oren pada tiang rumah agar nampak lebih cantik. Saban hari aku termenung di dalam peti sejuk mengenangkan dirimu yang entah kemana menghilang. Aku cuba bermain badminton sambil makan mi hailam untuk melupakanmu, tetapi aku tak berdaya. Lalu aku membakar mesin basuh dan membelasah empat ekor itik serati jiran sebelah sebagai tanda aku tidak bersalah. Mengapa? Mengapa sayang? Mengapa ini semua biasa terjadi? Mengapa setelah kau curi hatiku, kau rompak cintaku lantas kau bunuh cintaku sehingga kita berdua terbunuh dalam kemalangan cinta yang ngeri. Aku bagaikan terhimpit dan dihimpit oleh guni-guni batu yang kau timpakan di atas belakangku. Derita yang kau timpakan itu adalah bebanan yang terlalu berat untukku tanggung bagaikan mendukung 75 ekor biawak dan 386 ekor anak beruk. Dan kini segala harapanku hancur berkecai bagaikan aku terjatuh dari Menara Kuala Lumpur dan dihempap oleh Menara Berkembar Petronas lalu tersangkut di celah landasan LRT dan kemudiannya digilis pula keretapi Komuter hingga aku hancur berkecai. Oh! terlalu berat dugaan yang kutempuhi kini. Kini segalanya telah pun berakhir. Aku sedar siapa aku. Aku hanya insan biasa yang suka makan mi segera. Aku bukan McGyver, McDonald's, Superman atau Kesatria Baja Hitam. Aku juga bukanlah Ultraman seperti yang kau idam-idamkan. Aku menyedari kekurangan diri dan kekurangan kemudahan awam di tempat sendiri. Tak perlu dikesali lagi kerana nasi telah menjadi capati dan tin sardin yang ku genggam ini telah pun luput tarikhnya. Segalanya sungguh mengharukan dan semua hadiah pemberianmu termasuk enjin kapal selam telah pun aku cincang untuk dibuat makanan lembu. Walaupun segalanya telah pun berakhir, disini, diatas pokok getah ini aku tetap menunggu kau akan kembali. Selagi ada nafas ini, selagi ada kompleks membeli-belah SOGO, selagi ada kedai kasut selipar di sekitar Argentina, selagi kumpulan Metallica tidak berpecah, aku tetap menunggumu sehinggalah mentari terbelah lapan. Namun aku menyedari bahawa penantianku hanyalah sia-sia belaka. Akhirnya aku mengambil keputusan muktamad untuk menunggu tiang elektrik dihadapan rumahku berbuah. kalau tiang elektrik berbuah nanti, aku poskan buahnya kepadamu. Nak tak?



signing off : jiwang rockers live from Malacca....
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Thursday, December 15, 2005

psalms of loneliness

Shit, It's all my fault, damnit, why the fuck would i be the first one to break the silence? Why would i be the first one to voice out my confusion, anger and dissapoinments first in the worst of times when we are reunited once again? Why would i be so different compared to the others? Why should i even choose this dark path in the first palce? It has no future yet whatsoever and has never been a brightly lit-ed route for most who endured the curse of it. Truth of the matter is that nobody would see this action of mine to be sane, neither will they accept my reason of resignation to be valid. "It's either all of us or nothing at all..." These words kept ringing in my mind, dawning me further into my pool of confussion. Some ask, why should i be so cocky, arrogant, and thick skulled to just leave the band in the midst of trying to put up a demo for radio and air play? Is this just another moment of my emotions coming down or will this trully be my heart's calling? As i ponder upon this point of no return stigma, it has been 4 months since i thought about it, all the energy, closeness and harship we went through. All that was timeless, never would have crossed my mind that i would be the one to leave at this moment. It was both sad, tragic and unhuman to just jack AKAASH, but the truth is...





Confessions from my fucked up past has long been ingnored, longing to pour out my hearts inner contents all this while i choose to ignore it by putting up a face for the society to see that everything is alright. To balance this side of mine, i choose instead to inject all of my feelings into AKAASH's song composition, along with all the other bandmates. However from what i can see, no matter how far out i go for the songs composition of AKAASH, i still find myself dissatisfied and ackward with my part in the whole teams no matter how hard i tried to blend in. It was as if i was unable to express myself properly on the stage, unable to get my feelings out into the open, unable to send the message of the song to the crowd and being unable to feel the magic of having fun on stage. I notice that all this was due to the fact that i was not really playing the type of genre which really suits my emotional side. However, as naturally what i would do with most of my problems, i just let it slide past, not letting the others know what i felt deep inside, letting it become just a whisper in the wind. Slowly, it is eating me from inside...




No doubt AKAASH is a trully magical blend, from the way it was formed, the compositions, the musical energy, the friendships formed, the family it potrays, the attention it seeks, the wierd pschotic traits of it's members, the trials and errors and the many people who help us at no cost and no benefits to themselves to just see this dream becoming a reality. I totally have no intentions for AKAASH to break up and be in disarray in the first place, all that i am asking for is the permission to let me journey on to seek and grab a dream of my own in music. And for that i would have to choose the option of leaving AKAASH for good this time, not to be a senti puki bastard but i feel that it's time for me to trully go far out and grab a star of my own among the cosmic entities in the sky. I have never predicted for my drummer to feel the same too, now that he's leaving the band too after hearing my confessions. It's sad to know that everyone is feeling down at this point in time, i first thought that they would have find a replacement for my spot in AKAASH easily through their wide contacts. To be honest i also think that AKAASH will have a bright future planned ahead before this happens, i trully believe in the chemistry it possess among it's members and i would never have doubt the number of achievements it will get in time. But at the end of the day, all i wish to say now is thanks to AKAASH for everything up to today, i might dissappoint you all deeply but i guess it's time for us to bid farewells.. I hope for the best for all of you in music and may you succeed in everything that you strive to be in.











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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

i am screwed...

Today is the day that i regret living, for I :

1)Didnt have time to finish most of my assignments resulting in heavy plagerism..

2)Became a jackass and went for a church concert in remote ayer keroh hotel played by rival PG165 by bike while the others all went by shuttle bus. Totally trashing the show...

3)Finally told my drummer that i decide quit Akaash.. Need to explain to the others tomorrow some more..

4)Heard that the girl that i had a crush on was being fooled around by indian bastarditic playboys, while being fooled around by an old auntie who claims to be her stepmom..

5)Made a fool out of myself by freezing up and act dumb in front her, hell yeah, not a word spoken to her yet...

6)Became broke by overspending on food, even though i know i am short by a lot..

7)Went to class late by 1 hour when the lab was a 2 hour session..

8)Broke my slippers, dont ask me how..

9)Burnt my hands, again dont ask me how..

As of now, i'm trying to figure out what to say to the other members of Akaash tomorrow, i guess its time for a change of perfume in the foul air we live on.. Its a wonder i am still living on my parents wages while a friend of mine got married a few days ago.. God i am so punishable.... Somebody please help release me of this pain...
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Sunday, December 11, 2005

When bored...!!

Parental advisory suggested upon reading the following material...!!!




























GOD I AM FUCKING BORED, SICK AND TIRED OF STUDYING... HERE'S SOME ANTI STRESS TIPS, FIRST YOU DO THIS:



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and then, ooohhhh yeah babe smoke that shit up...!!


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finally after that, of course it wont be complete without a drastic action...

yeah, i finally decided to cut my 24 months long hair, hope you're happy mom...

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Embrace yourself, hey life is all about the shits we do during these times, so live it up a notch...!!!
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My very first original cd...

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Actually I wrote this quite a while back, by now my LMB cd iss at the hands of one of my friends in Sarawak, hope it brings new inspiration for him too...
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To my own suprise, i finallly bought the long awaited Love Me Butch cd at Inverno, Mahkota Parade last sunday. To know the boring story of how i ended up there please read here. At my very first glance of the shop, i can immediately know that this shop is your typical ah beng music shop selling and feng tau songs and craps such as Britney Spears and Backstreet Mtv Ho's, but after confirming the place of purchase through the LMB website, to my suprise this shop sells and support a lot of locally produced music, wow..!! Being approached by the ah beng promoter is dark horned specs, i immediately asked for LMB's latest cd and he directed me into the other room filled with stacks of cd. Hm, that gives me a feeling of being a VIP, for the other room are reserved for cd's only. There he pulls out a stack of cd's and sorted it out in less than 20 seconds, asking me which one i want, Enter Posthuman or This Is The New Pop.. I check both out, Enter Posthuman selling for for rm29.90 and This Is The New Pop selling for rm25.90

Hm, isn't that suspicious? For those who did not keep in touch with the progress of this band, they may assume that the new LMB cd may just be an uninteresting album as any other poorly produced local products or either they are just plain lousy up to the extend of releasing a new album which is cheaper than their first. FYI their new album are totally self produced, everything from the CD cover to CD replication. That is one of the reson why their new cd can be cheaper. Don't beleive what i said? read this for yourself, due to being released from their label posse records, they managed to go agaisnt the odds imposed on indipendent Malaysian Band and produced the entire compilation of their ideas from scratch. This proves the quote "If there's a will there's a way" to be true, from what i noticed, they are setting the benchmark in musical production for all indipendent musicians in Malaysia. I am trully inspired by their efforts in getting their own ideas out on the street indipendently, it requires you to fully trust in what you do and believing that your ideas can make a change to somebody to go to that extend.

Back to the story, when i finally got my hands on this little gem there was a moment of silence as if i am holding the holly grail. I promptly paid the cashier and left the shop with a gratefull smile, holding my very first original cd. To prove it:







Now with the cd in my hand, i have put the mastering to test with my brother's tube amplifiers. The final result that i get was quite amazing, the mastering had been trully well done, when compared with a justin timberlake cd. After listening to the songs, i felt the sudden urge to .... and it just had to be done,

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Simply amazing what a piece of CD can do for your soul. Anyway before signing off, i just want to let you know that my frav track among all was Pitcher Of a Ghost. Go get a copy of yours today..!!!
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Sunday, December 04, 2005

ROCK MY ASS...ignment CONCERT

Title : Rock The World 6
Date : December 17 2005
Time : 3pm till late
Venue : Stadium Merdeka KL
Price : Rm25 (with the first 5000 getting free t-shirts)
Info : www.rocktheworld.com.my

Bands playing : Deja Voodoo Spells, Furniture, Cassandra Cosmic Funk Express, 7 Collar T-Shirts, The Pilgrims, Pop Shuvit, OAG, Frequency Canon, Jason Lo, Disagree and a few more...

****please note the bolded bands are the ones i am looking forward to watch****

BANDS NOT PLAYING : Hoobastank, Incubus, Love Me Butch, Tragic Comedy, Tempered Mental, Damn Dirty Apes, Duke, Akaash, Project 8, and many more... So please don't attend...

















Mid-trimester exam dates : 12th, 17th & 19th December

Moral of the story : I am screwed evertime a concert is around, FUCK...!!!
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