psalms of loneliness

Shit, It's all my fault, damnit, why the fuck would i be the first one to break the silence? Why would i be the first one to voice out my confusion, anger and dissapoinments first in the worst of times when we are reunited once again? Why would i be so different compared to the others? Why should i even choose this dark path in the first palce? It has no future yet whatsoever and has never been a brightly lit-ed route for most who endured the curse of it. Truth of the matter is that nobody would see this action of mine to be sane, neither will they accept my reason of resignation to be valid. "It's either all of us or nothing at all..." These words kept ringing in my mind, dawning me further into my pool of confussion. Some ask, why should i be so cocky, arrogant, and thick skulled to just leave the band in the midst of trying to put up a demo for radio and air play? Is this just another moment of my emotions coming down or will this trully be my heart's calling? As i ponder upon this point of no return stigma, it has been 4 months since i thought about it, all the energy, closeness and harship we went through. All that was timeless, never would have crossed my mind that i would be the one to leave at this moment. It was both sad, tragic and unhuman to just jack AKAASH, but the truth is...





Confessions from my fucked up past has long been ingnored, longing to pour out my hearts inner contents all this while i choose to ignore it by putting up a face for the society to see that everything is alright. To balance this side of mine, i choose instead to inject all of my feelings into AKAASH's song composition, along with all the other bandmates. However from what i can see, no matter how far out i go for the songs composition of AKAASH, i still find myself dissatisfied and ackward with my part in the whole teams no matter how hard i tried to blend in. It was as if i was unable to express myself properly on the stage, unable to get my feelings out into the open, unable to send the message of the song to the crowd and being unable to feel the magic of having fun on stage. I notice that all this was due to the fact that i was not really playing the type of genre which really suits my emotional side. However, as naturally what i would do with most of my problems, i just let it slide past, not letting the others know what i felt deep inside, letting it become just a whisper in the wind. Slowly, it is eating me from inside...




No doubt AKAASH is a trully magical blend, from the way it was formed, the compositions, the musical energy, the friendships formed, the family it potrays, the attention it seeks, the wierd pschotic traits of it's members, the trials and errors and the many people who help us at no cost and no benefits to themselves to just see this dream becoming a reality. I totally have no intentions for AKAASH to break up and be in disarray in the first place, all that i am asking for is the permission to let me journey on to seek and grab a dream of my own in music. And for that i would have to choose the option of leaving AKAASH for good this time, not to be a senti puki bastard but i feel that it's time for me to trully go far out and grab a star of my own among the cosmic entities in the sky. I have never predicted for my drummer to feel the same too, now that he's leaving the band too after hearing my confessions. It's sad to know that everyone is feeling down at this point in time, i first thought that they would have find a replacement for my spot in AKAASH easily through their wide contacts. To be honest i also think that AKAASH will have a bright future planned ahead before this happens, i trully believe in the chemistry it possess among it's members and i would never have doubt the number of achievements it will get in time. But at the end of the day, all i wish to say now is thanks to AKAASH for everything up to today, i might dissappoint you all deeply but i guess it's time for us to bid farewells.. I hope for the best for all of you in music and may you succeed in everything that you strive to be in.