Heaven in Malacca

For the 3rd time i watch her rest her lean body against the soft comfort provided in the library, i'm still wondering when will i ever gather enough courage to walk up to her and introduce myself. Being the typical looser me, i just sat there and watch her as she gaze at the busy chattering crowd in wonder, thinking of what might be going on in her fantasies and wishing hard that somehow i am in a part of it too.. :) FYI she's on her last semester now, so my friend seem to always claim about every girl i asked about. Now, it's not natural of me to just barge into people's life and try to generate a relationship out of thin air in the midst of the crowd. As a looser, i know that i will never be able to summon enough courage to do so, which makes me wonder when will i ever snap out of this vulnerable, pathetic dark hole. The traumatic feeling of being rejected in public is probably my worst barrier of which i need to overcome in time though, i admit i am without guts and balls nowdays. If it is worst to let you know, i ended up staring at her throughout my entire session at the library, her beauty which never fail to amaze me was so breathtaking that you can do nothing but just be captivated by the awe of the moment she were present, she would look fresh like she just woke up in the morning everytime i see her there. She would walk in gracefully and just do nothing but take all of my attention away from my notes.

Now i know it's a common mis-perception that a women's beauty is only skin deep, but she doesnt seem to appeal to my other friends or peers at all, most would just say "nah, she's just ok, why dont you go for the MISS MMU" whenever i ask them for opinion on this girl. Or i might just be biased, to which i know i'm not but to me she's got the top few qualities i've been looking for in a girl. Man, i will kick myself so hard in the balls if i were to let this one go i told myself, but after telling myself over and over again to just make a move, still the scenario is the same. Me sitting here and she sitting there, it went on until i was caught looking at her for a few times. She immediately gave me a "wtf, are you a pervert looking at me so long??" look, and also since she's in study mode i guess couldn't help but sensing the presence of a big bold sign hanging on her forehead saying "Fuck Off, I'm just not interested now..!!". Or maybe again, its could just be my looser instinct boiling, i tend to shy out when i see a scorn or smirke in a girls face, but luckily she never gave me one of those. That means i might still have a chance if i play my cards right, but how the hell am i going to play the card if i keep on chicken out on these things in life? Man, i need some rest..

To me, she would be like wow, the goddess or the Princess of my lonely, sick but pathetic heart, or maybe i am just too desperate for way too long. Man, being without the touch of someone you love is just so unbearable, imagining that your love being with another person and knowing that she's still gonna find happiness but it's not gonna be with you is totally pathetic, worst if the guy was more of a jackass than you are, now that's suicidal. Ok, some sensitive issues touched here, nevertheless i will keep hoping that someday i will be able to have enough courage to walk up to her and introduce myself, till that time comes, may god be with me...